Entertaining Captain
by Marcoyounger
Summary: The Straw Hat's are at a party, and Luffy gets hit on. The crew gives him shit about his reaction.


The party was outrageous. Luffy was where he was always expected, gorging down at the table stacked endlessly with food, laughing at his party-crazed crew and the amusing townspeople that couldn't get enough of them. Nami and Zoro were surrounded by a group of drunken fans, chanting for a drinking competition between the two, who more than happily complied by snatching a tankard of beer and drowning it at the same time, hands ready for another in seconds, which drove the fans crazy. Franky was pulling out strange looking fizzy green drinks from his chest while two girls sat on each of his broad shoulders. Some people pushed their more daring friends to drink them, whose skin started to turn purple. Robin and Sanji were toasting to the party, up on a platform with a barrel of champagne, which they dumped on the heads of the crowd around them. Usopp was huddled down with a circle of guys, taking bets to see who would win between Nami and Zoro, telling tall tales about each of their drinking talents that had the men yelling out in disbelief and astoundment. Brook was in the middle of it all, leading a huge group of girls that carried a very excited and drunk Chopper around a bonfire into a energizing song that had everyone dancing. And then there was a woman - who anyone at the party would have killed to be looked at the way she was looking at a certain someone now - who had set her eyes on one currently abandoned boy, whom had become her prey and victim the instant she laid sights on him.

"Mhmm, Captain Luuu~fy?" Her voice purred, as she leaned toward him, chest out, hands between her pushed apart thighs that straddled the bench. Her shorts were cut so short that they fit more like bikini bottoms, exposing her smooth tanned skin. Her shirt was unbuttoned far down and revealed enough to give any man a heart attack and a massive nose bleed on the spot. Sanji wouldn't have survived a short glimpse of her out of the corner of his eyes.

"Nyut?" The boy muttered through a mouth full of food. He broke his concentration on shoving more down his throat - like most people breathed after drowning, to turn to her, wide eyes innocent when he met her half lidded dark ones full of seductive intent.

She chuckled at his full cheeks and wrapped a delicate hand around his chin, slowly wiping his bottom lip with her thumb. She leaned closer until the boy could see nothing but her, so close that her rich dark curls flipped out to skim against his puffy filled cheeks, tickling his skin. "You had food on your face." Her hot breath slid over him like a breeze, and her lips quirked into a devious smile. She proceeded swipe with her tongue over them at his frozen look. The Straw Hat Captain swallowed hard, watching the firelight dance over her glossy wet lips and reflect in her bottomless wicked black eyes.

Oh yea, she had him mesmerized. There was no dismissing her temptations, no matter what the age or gender. Everyone wanted her, even when she wasn't trying. When she turned up the heat with her charm, she knew no one could ever escape.

"Oh. Thanks!" His grin stretched impossibly wide over his face for a millisecond before he turned from her and shoved another hand full of food into his mouth, continuing to eat like she wasn't currently still fawning all over him.

.. Eh?

... What?

He...

... Wasn't interested at all?!

Was he not human?!

He was choosing food, over her?!

.. Impossible.

"She leaned even closer, breasts pressing against his arm, mouth against his ear. "Neh~, Sencho," She moaned, voice reeking sexuality. Her hand slipped over his shorts, grinding between his thighs, and his hands that had been holding the full plates he'd been about to clean off stopped moving abruptly. "I want to see how you stretch..." The last word she whined in a voice that would give any guy a hard on and make a girl wet. Her tongue flicked out to flash against his earlobe. "...up close and personal." Her fingers spread, dancing pressure against his crotch. "Couldn't I..." She pressed her boobs against him harder, voice lowering breathlessly. Her free hand that wasn't between his legs turned his head toward her with a slim finger against his cheek. She met his red face and humongous startled eyes with a look of pleading desperation that begged him to rip her clothes off now or let her die. "...get a demonstration?" Her voice hissed, soaked in the need to be taken advantage of.

Even though the guy seemed dense, there was no mistaking her intent now. His red face said that even he now recognized what she wanted. She broke into a wicked grin, tilting her head slightly to let her hair fall against her face. His body tensed, staring at her with utter shock. For a moment he was left speechless, but then his mouth finally opened and he snapped out of his frozen state.

"Oi, lady, can't you see I'm busy eating?!" He plead with her, face still flushed and tone panicked. Next he shot a startled look down at her hand that was still pressed against him. "A-and, would you stop touching me like that! It's really distracting!"

No way.

"But," She pressed against him even harder, causing his blush to deepen even more. She ignored his terrified expression. "Don't you want to be distracted?" His eyes flashed back up to hers with disbelief. "I'd make you feel so good, Sencho-"

"I just want to eat! Can you get off me already?!" His voice was hysterical, which his expression matched. For the first time of her life, she was left with her mouth hanging open, completely taken back by his lack of sexual desire. No one had ever been capable of saying no to her. And this guy even seemed horrified by her advances that most would die for!

"But... I..." She couldn't even get her head to wrap around his blunt refusal of her offering, and her mind went absolutely blank. She'd never been so confused. "You should be... you don't... you can't-"

Abruptly her hand was pulled from his legs and he quickly pushed himself away from her, acting like he couldn't get away fast enough. Out of instinct, she caught his wrist. "What are you doing?!" She shrieked at him, crawling back toward him.

"Wah! You-" His yelp was cut off as she pushed him back to where he was holding himself up by propping his elbows on the bench, his hat slipping from his head, her body pressing against his chest mercilessly, her arms trapping him under her. "What are you doing, you psycho?!" He yelled at her, now looking pissed.

"What- psycho- are you fucking insane?!" She screeched at him. Her eyes were livid, injecting fear into Luffy which quickly overpowered his anger. "I'm offering to give you the best fucking night of your life, you dumbass! I'd fuck you senseless! How are you not a drooling horny pervert by now?! It's not possible-"

There was an irruption of roaring laughter, and fists beat the table so hard that the plates clanged together. The woman towering over Luffy jumped, one of her hands slipping from the bench which sent her crashing into Luffy. Just as she fell onto him, he had sat up quickly, and she was shoved off of him and fell on the ground, not that the dark red boy noticed.

"Shit, I've never seen you so scared, Luffy!"

"I mean seriously, look at him! He looks like he's about to piss himself!"

"Goddamn, this is just too priceless."

"I can't even breathe- Stop this-"

"Our poor Captain!"

"Can you blame him? I don't even think I could handle a chick like that-"

"His expression- Oh my god-"

"That poor innocence-"

"Will you all shut up already?!" Luffy fumed, voice cracking in embarrassment. His entire face and neck was burning bright red, and he glared in horror at his hysterical crew, who continued to beat the table and suffocate themselves with laughter, tears brimming from their eyes and cheeks flushed with the lash of alcohol and pure amusement at their captains overwhelming distress. Luffy snatched his hat that had fallen off and used it to hide his face when he put it on, which only entertained the crew more.

Robin was trying to hide behind her hand, but even she was laughing uncontrollably with her mouth wide open. Usopp was openly pointing, tears rolling down his cheeks and spitting everywhere. Franky had thrown his head back as he bellowed and Brook was leaning against him like he was going to pass out soon if he didn't breath (although he has no lungs, ahaha xDD). Chopper was rolling back and forth on the table, clutching his stomach. Nami had her arms crossed and was shaking her head at Luffy as she laughed. Sanji was doubled over, tears in his eyes also, though maybe from the disappointment of missing out on such a beautiful woman. Zoro had his head down in his arm, and was pounding the table, body shaking from how hard he was laughing.

Meanwhile, the woman had picked herself off the ground and was glaring at the uncontrollable group, having never experienced anything so humiliating before. Her face had a burn that was slowly surpassing Luffy's, and her fists clenched at her sides were shaking. "What is wrong with you people?!"

But they ignored her. "Stop laughing, damnit! It's not funny!" Luffy was still trying to defend himself, but the crew was far from being done with him.

"You're right- it's fucking hilarious!" Usopp managed to blurt out.

"Is not!" Luffy whined back. By now the crew was about to faint from suffocation and were sucking in air. "She just surprised me is all! Attacked me out of nowhere." He muttered to himself, crossing his arms and looking down to hide his face from his crew again. Of course as soon as the words left his mouth the crew was sent back into hysterics.

"Attacked- he was 'attacked'!" Brook screeched, pounding on Franky's shoulder.

Robin wiped tears from her eyes. "It seems our captains weakness finally reveals itself."

"Shut up!" Luffy spattered fiercely. But intimidation was lost on them.

"I'm disappointed Luffy." This was from Sanji, who was suddenly jumping onto the table with a thump and stepping over an exhausted Chopper to step down off the other side gracefully. And then he was down on one knee in front of the startled 'attacker', grasping her hand and pressing it to his lips. "Any man should be excited to be attacked by a woman of your caliber-"

The back of Nami's hand sent him flying back into the table beside Luffy, and Sanji was sent into a masochistic nosebleed as he held his bruised cheek and grinned. "Oh, Nami~ Swan's blow of love! Ai~!" Luffy nudged away from him carefully, even though the behavior was to be expected.

Nami grunted before smiling sweetly and turning back to the woman, who seemed to be frozen in terror. "Sorry about him, it's just his nature-"

"You freaks!" She spat back into Nami's face, whose sweet smile instantly froze and became something that the crew knew as a very disturbing premonition. "Stay away from me! You're all insane!"

"Hey, she's even more beautiful when she's angry!" This was from Franky, who caught her enraged eyes and winked, and she reacted by shivering and taking a step back.

"Give her a sword and she wouldn't be so appealing anymore." Zoro muttered before taking a swig from his booze, but Franky laughed at that.

"The more danger, the better, my friend." Zoro huffed in response.

Usopp was looking at him from the corner of his eyes and stepped away. "You all worry me sometimes." Was all he said.

Chopper sat up, finally having caught his breath. "Man, and I thought Nami and Robin were scary."

At this, Luffy lifted his eyes to meet the furry reindeers, a shadow cast over his face and eyes mortified. "All women are scary, Chopper." He hissed intensely, his rare seriousness revealing itself.

Chopper tensed, eyes going wide, his voice pitching when he spoke. "Scary! Luffy, you're scary!"

Sanji laughed and smacked Luffy's shoulder, finally getting his nose under control. "Ah, and that's what makes them such an adventure!"

"Cheers to that, mate!" Franky agreed, and two mugs were swept off the table and clashed together before being drained.

Usopp sighed and plopped down next to Zoro and grabbed a mug of his own. "I'll never understand them." Not clarifying if he meant women or the two perverts.

Zoro nodded and hit his mug against Usopp's, and they both chug-cheered silently to that.

Robin had made her way next to Nami who'd been trying to calm down the woman who was having none of it. "I won't listen to a single thing you monsters have to say!" She was yelling.

Nami was extremely irritated by this point. "Look, it's just how we-"

"No! You're all horrible! Get out of my face, you beast!"

Nami's body tensed. Brook took the moment to sing "And there she blows~" on the downlow to avoid Nami's anger being turned on him and Luffy chuckled (shishishi).

Everyone could see that Nami has snapped and her eyes were bright with fury. "Oi, you freaking stupid tramp-"

Robin's hand dropped onto Nami's seething shoulder gently. "Allow me." She smiled brightly to her nakama and stepped in front of the burning Nami before she could really attacked this clueless woman. And then Robin was so close to the other raging woman that she had no time to step back. "I kindly suggest you leave. Immediately." And the entire crew watched as Robin's sweet smile turned into something disturbingly dark that isolated the woman and made her face twist in pure fear and eyes go wide as she was left to Robin's mercy.

She stumbled back and tripped over her feat, falling to the ground again, her breathing pitching in her chest as if she'd made a mistake that would cost her life when Robin's eyes still followed her. She quickly leaned back and started scrambling to get away, absolutely petrified. As soon as she had a hold on her feet she was running away probably faster than she'd ever ran before, bursting back into the crowd with a last horrified glance as if to assure herself that Robin wasn't in pursuit of her.

By now Luffy had thrown back his head and was roaring with laughter himself. Brook whistled at her. "That's some power she has!"

"Wouldn't want that turned on me, that's for sure." Franky added in, eyeing Robin as she turned back to them with a pleasant smile once again.

"Thank you."

"I don't know if they're complimenting you, Robin." Chopper said, sweating as if he was scared Robin would choose him as the next target. She simply giggled at his nervousness.

Luffy was still laughing. "Did you see her run?!" He spattered at Usopp.

Usopp raised an eyebrow at his amused captain from across the table. "You should have seen your own terror, sencho."

"Seriously Luffy, you're reaction to her moves were gold." Nami said as she sat down on the other side of her captain.

"Oi, Usopp, Nami!" He whined as Zoro and Sanji laughed at him again.

"And thanks, Robin. You've once again saved a pretty face from being struck by lightening." She said, ignoring a once again distressed Luffy.

"I'm impressed she escaped your wrath, Nami~swan. I never do." But coming from Sanji this wasn't a complaint, and everyone ignored him as he swooned at the fiery woman on the other side of Luffy.

Robin sat next to Sanji and nodded to Nami. "My pleasure."

"I don't doubt it." Chopper muttered under his breath at Robin's choice of words.

Usopp snickered at the comment. "Good one." And the boys high fived 'discreetly' while Zoro rolled his eyes at them.

Brook sat on the other side of Zoro while Franky sat next to Usopp. "This party has been SUUUPER~!" Franky sang.

"Yeah, their meat is great guys! You have to try some!" Luffy's arms pushed the empty dishes he'd plowed through earlier aside and stretch to snatch new full plates from other tables nearby, shoving some into his mouth during the process.

"Oh course when you say party, he's thinking of food." Nami muttered. The table laughed at that, but started to dig in anyway.

"Hey, this isn't bad." Sanji approved of his salad. "The meals are beautifully thought out."

"Tasty! Although, I don't have taste buds (ahaha xDD)!" Was Brook's comment.

"Witz gwud isin nit!" Luffy grinned at them while chewing.

"Well, the beer is damn good!" Zoro sighed, taking a greatfull chug.

Usopp pointed his fork at him and muttered "alcoholic" through a mouthful of food so that it sounded like "ah-low-yal-lik" and no one understood what he said.

"Yum! It's so sweet!" Chopper was swooning over a piece of pie. Luffy looked up at this, swallowing quickly.

"Oi Chopper, give me a bite, would ya?" Luffy pleaded, reaching for it before the words were out of his mouth.

"Kung-Fu Point!" Instantly on the defence, Chopper was now towering over Luffy on the table while hiding his pie behind his round body. "Waaah~ No way, it's mine! Back off!"

"No fair, Chopper!" Luffy reached for it again and when Chopper smacked his hand away he leapt onto the table in pursuit of the pie and went crashing into the furry reindeer, sending them both onto the table.

"AH! You landed on my food!" Usopp whined at his now smushed meal as the two boys rolled over it mercilessly. Zoro didn't bat an eyelash at his lost plate or the two now tumbling around in front of him and simply took another drink. Franky just laughed at them and extended his arm over them to grab a different plate.

Upset by his food loss, Usopp stood on his bench and pounced at the two, joining the battle. Luffy managed to stretch his neck around a distracted Chopper when Usopp did this and bite down on the pie along with Chopper's hand, which made the reindeer yell and thrash around even more and it became a mess of utter chaos as the three boys rolled off onto the ground and began to wrestle, Zoro simply leaning into Franky when they rolled by him to allow them to fall off the table.

"Childish." Nami muttered at them, but she was grinning.

"They're going to drain all their energy." Robin adds.

"You think they have a limit?" Brook added in, chuckling at his own comment.

Robin nodded at that, watching the boys start to bite each other instead of the food. "Fair point."


End file.
